Real Friends vs. Fake Friends
Dear Booga,
A big problem I had throughout high school was how to tell the difference between real friends and fake friends. I still have a little bit of trouble telling the difference sometimes. When you realize that someone you thought was a real friend is really just a fake it always hurts. So hopefully if I tell you some of my experiences and how I found out the fakes while I was in school it might help you figure things out a little bit sooner than your big sis. I’ll stop and give you some “unwritten rules” along the way. J
A big problem I had throughout high school was how to tell the difference between real friends and fake friends. I still have a little bit of trouble telling the difference sometimes. When you realize that someone you thought was a real friend is really just a fake it always hurts. So hopefully if I tell you some of my experiences and how I found out the fakes while I was in school it might help you figure things out a little bit sooner than your big sis. I’ll stop and give you some “unwritten rules” along the way. J
All names (except your brothers) have been changed to protect the innocent…or not so innocent. Haha. All the names are kind of weird and you’ll probably guess who they all are anyway, but it was mainly for fun. Just go with it.
Since you started your freshman year of high school a couple weeks ago I thought that my freshman year would be the perfect place to start. I started out my freshman year with the same two best friends I had all through 8th grade, Joyce and Sally. The three of us did everything together and we had tons of fun. We had countless sleepovers, camping trips, inside jokes, crazy adventures and serious talks. No matter what we were doing we always had a good time. At the beginning of freshman year Joyce began dating AC and Sally began dating C2. They both got pretty serious with their boyfriends, but we all still remained really close and told each other everything. Joyce ended up sleeping with AC and told us the next day, and then he broke up with her a couple days later. C2 tried to get Sally to sleep with him, but she said no and so he broke up with her. It was about the middle of the school year when this all happened and Joyce and Sally were both crushed. Joyce ended up dating C2 just a few weeks later. You can just imagine the drama this caused! Sally is a bit dramatic anyway so she immediately assumed Joyce and C2 were fooling around behind Sally’s back. She started a huge rumor about how Joyce had a miscarriage with AC’s baby and now she was a big slut. Obviously Sally and Joyce never hung out again after that, but they also tried to make me choose between the two of them. When I wouldn’t choose Sally stopped hanging out with me as well. Now you can easily tell Sally and Joyce were obviously fake friends with each other.
Since you started your freshman year of high school a couple weeks ago I thought that my freshman year would be the perfect place to start. I started out my freshman year with the same two best friends I had all through 8th grade, Joyce and Sally. The three of us did everything together and we had tons of fun. We had countless sleepovers, camping trips, inside jokes, crazy adventures and serious talks. No matter what we were doing we always had a good time. At the beginning of freshman year Joyce began dating AC and Sally began dating C2. They both got pretty serious with their boyfriends, but we all still remained really close and told each other everything. Joyce ended up sleeping with AC and told us the next day, and then he broke up with her a couple days later. C2 tried to get Sally to sleep with him, but she said no and so he broke up with her. It was about the middle of the school year when this all happened and Joyce and Sally were both crushed. Joyce ended up dating C2 just a few weeks later. You can just imagine the drama this caused! Sally is a bit dramatic anyway so she immediately assumed Joyce and C2 were fooling around behind Sally’s back. She started a huge rumor about how Joyce had a miscarriage with AC’s baby and now she was a big slut. Obviously Sally and Joyce never hung out again after that, but they also tried to make me choose between the two of them. When I wouldn’t choose Sally stopped hanging out with me as well. Now you can easily tell Sally and Joyce were obviously fake friends with each other.
Rules so far:
1.) You don’t date your best friends ex just a couple weeks after they break up, especially if you know your friend still has feelings for him.
2.) You don’t start rumors about your best friend having a miscarriage and being a slut. You don’t start rumors about friends at all.
1.) You don’t date your best friends ex just a couple weeks after they break up, especially if you know your friend still has feelings for him.
2.) You don’t start rumors about your best friend having a miscarriage and being a slut. You don’t start rumors about friends at all.
I thought that they were both pretty good friends to me however, so after Sally stopped hanging out with me I continued to hang out with Joyce. Things were just awkward after that though all Joyce ever wanted to do was bad mouth Sally and sneak out to hang out with older guys. She started turning into exactly what Sally had said about her. She wanted me to go out with all these guys with her to really shady parties all the time and I didn’t want to be a part of it so I stopped hanging out with Joyce. As soon as I stopped hanging out with Joyce I started hanging out with Sally again. I never talked to Joyce again after that.
Rule:
3.) If your friends try to pressure you into doing something you know is wrong or you’re not comfortable with then they’re probably not good friends.
The summer before my sophomore year Caleb became my best friend he came in my room almost every night and we would just talk for hours. We talked about our dreams, the future, school, his job, parties, God’s Word and absolutely anything else you can think of. It was always my favorite part of the day and we had talks like that up until half way through my junior year. I’ll explain more about that later, but for now let’s discuss my sophomore year.
3.) If your friends try to pressure you into doing something you know is wrong or you’re not comfortable with then they’re probably not good friends.
The summer before my sophomore year Caleb became my best friend he came in my room almost every night and we would just talk for hours. We talked about our dreams, the future, school, his job, parties, God’s Word and absolutely anything else you can think of. It was always my favorite part of the day and we had talks like that up until half way through my junior year. I’ll explain more about that later, but for now let’s discuss my sophomore year.
Sally and I became best friends again and we hung out constantly. During our sophomore year of high school we started hanging out with all our older brothers’ friends. There was a big group of us at school that always hung out together and ate lunch at the same table every day. The guys were Caleb, Joseph, Todd, Rick, Leroy and sometimes Gilbert. Then the girls were Mary, Sally, Rita and I. Oh we always had a ton of fun, it was the table that everyone else always wanted to sit at. We were so loud and crazy, constantly laughing, telling some perverted joke or wrestling around. That group of friends went everywhere together. We had a ton of get togethers up in our garage; we would go to parties at the lake, to the movies, or mudding. We would play cowboys and Indians in the thunderstorms where we had huge mud fights or we would just chill at each other’s houses. We had the same group for 2 years, but we slowly started to fall apart. Well in big groups like that it’s hard not to have any drama. First of all Annabelle another girl in my class all of a sudden wanted to be friends with me. So I started hanging out with her and she worked herself into the group. When Annabelle came along Sally ditched me again and didn’t talk to me for most of my junior year. I was a little upset by that, but it wasn’t too bad because I had the group. Mary, Annabelle and I became really close we went everywhere together. When Caleb and Rita broke up Annabelle decided to start dating Caleb. I thought it was a little weird at first since Annabelle and I were such good friends, but I got over it. The group didn’t last much longer after that. Gilbert found a new group to hang with, Leroy had a falling out with Caleb and Joseph, and no one could stand Todd anymore. I still hung out with all of them, but we never hung out all at once again. I either hung out with Mary, Todd and Rick or Joseph, Caleb and Annabelle. Never all six. Anyways, about half way through my junior year Annabelle and I were best friends and had a lot of really fun times. However most of those fun times were usually bad. I don’t have a single memory of her where we weren’t drinking, flirting/making out with boys, sneaking out, breaking curfew, or even walking around Derby in skimpy Halloween costumes (but that’s a story for another time). Yeah Annabelle and I had a ton of fun, but we also did a TON of bad things usually her idea because she had a car and knew boys from other towns. Anyways after about 6 or 7 months of Caleb and Annabelle dating and us being best friends, she started acting really weird. At first it was just little things like how she would constantly be texting, but wouldn’t tell anyone who. Then I started to notice more and more things; she wouldn’t let anyone see her phone, she would constantly talk to me about boys named Logan and Brandon, and then she started going places on the weekends and lying to me(her supposed best friend) and Caleb(her boyfriend).
Rule:
4. You don’t lie to your friends (besides if they’re close enough friends they’ll know you’re lying anyway)
4. You don’t lie to your friends (besides if they’re close enough friends they’ll know you’re lying anyway)
After a few more months of this Annabelle continued to act weirder and weirder. She would make Caleb stay on the phone with her so he didn’t get a chance to come talk to me at night and when he told her he was going to go talk to me she whined until he gave in and stayed on the phone with her. Then Caleb got in a fight with the guy I liked at school and he got suspended for a week. Earlier in the year Caleb had given Annabelle his class ring to wear, and up until he got suspended she wore it around her neck every day. However, the moment he wasn’t in school with her she stopped wearing it. Over the week Caleb was suspended she openly flirted with a ton of other guys in school and whenever Caleb was mentioned she would turn away real quick and pretend she didn’t hear. When Caleb was allowed to come back to school she started wearing the ring again, but it was always tucked into her shirt. Then things started to get really nasty. Annabelle and I went to the store one day after school; she was being particularly bossy that day so I walked down the aisle right next to the one she was on. She immediately stormed over to the aisle I was on and demanded that I stay right next to her the rest of the time. I didn’t like that very much so I told her she wasn’t in charge of me. She then told me she had the car so she would leave me in Wichita if I didn’t do exactly what she said.
Rule:
5.) You don’t own your friends; therefore you do NOT treat them like dogs.
5.) You don’t own your friends; therefore you do NOT treat them like dogs.
After that day Annabelle and I still hung out a little bit because she was still dating Caleb, but we were not good friends anymore. I also started to watch her closer after that day since she was acting so suspicious. She knew that I liked a certain guy in school, JTH who I had hung out with and made out with a few times, the same guy Caleb had got in a fight with. Well she constantly flirted with JTH when Caleb wasn’t around, then I had several people from school who I wasn’t even friends with come up and tell me they saw Annabelle and JTH fooling around. Everyone knew Caleb and I were really close and that we watched out for each other. So when I found out that people had seen Annabelle and JTH together I told Caleb. Of course, he didn’t believe me. He thought I was just making up a bunch of rumors, back then it really hurt that my own brother wouldn’t believe me, especially with how close we were. However, a few years later I realized it wasn’t that he didn’t trust me, but that he really thought he was in love with Annabelle and didn’t want to believe she would do that. At the time, however; this caused HUGE fights. I was pissed because Annabelle was supposed to be my best friend, but she was cheating on my brother with the guy I liked and Caleb didn’t even believe me. On top of that Annabelle acted like such a goodie goody in front of our family that no one else believed me either. Everyone took her side and told me I was just being too dramatic and I was in trouble constantly because she would tell mom and dad I had done things I hadn’t or that I had done with her. Because of her, my junior year was the worst year of my life. Nothing is worse than having your own family completely against you.
Rule:
6.) You don’t date your friends siblings and you don’t let your friends date your siblings. (Trust me on this one Caleb dated one of my friends and I dated 2 of his. All 3 times it ended in disaster.)
6.) You don’t date your friends siblings and you don’t let your friends date your siblings. (Trust me on this one Caleb dated one of my friends and I dated 2 of his. All 3 times it ended in disaster.)
I hated being at the house after that because she was ALWAYS there and everyone took her side. So I basically lived at Mary’s house. As soon as school ended I would go over to her house and hang out with her for as long as possible then go home just to sleep. Before then Mary and I hung out, but we were never that close, but we became super close over that year. We talked about everything and helped each other through a lot of shit (but I suppose that’s a story for another time as well). Anyways by the time senior year rolled around Caleb had finally broken up with Annabelle and things were starting to go back to normal. Well almost, Annabelle spread rumors about me like crazy and I didn’t say the nicest things about her either. Everyone in school knew we hated each other so they wisely didn’t bring the other one up around us. Eventually things blew over and my senior year was a ton of fun. Sally started hanging out with me again and I was still really good friends with Mary. Things were great! Our senior class got really close and we always went out and did things together as a class. There were countless parties, movies, dinners, and drive-in trips. It was a blast. Mary was caught up in a lot of drama with her boyfriend Todd who I couldn’t stand, since she was always with him I stopped hanging out with her so much. I started hanging out with the big party crowd and went to parties almost every other weekend. I had a ton of friends or I thought I did anyway. If I wanted to do something other than party no one was up for it. Apparently they were only friends with me because I was fun to party and drink with.
Rule:
7.) If your friends only want to drink/party all the time they’re not real friends and won’t be there for you when you need them.
7.) If your friends only want to drink/party all the time they’re not real friends and won’t be there for you when you need them.
Now I’m not saying partying is a bad thing, because it can be a lot of fun, but when you do it almost every weekend and your friends don’t want to do anything else, then you might want some new friends. I continued to hang out with the party crowd until I left for college. When I got up to Manhattan it was back to Mary, Sally and I. Go figure about 2 months into our freshman year of college Sally ditches me again. That’s the last time, I refuse to try and keep her in my life if she’s just going to continue to ditch me and completely stop talking to me whenever she feels like.
Rule:
8.) If you’re friends are constantly ditching you and completely ignoring you for months at a time then they’re probably not real friends.
8.) If you’re friends are constantly ditching you and completely ignoring you for months at a time then they’re probably not real friends.
Through college Mary and I stayed best friends. We always had each other’s backs through everything. We made sure the other one stayed safe and didn’t get into trouble, we helped each other through countless boy situations, family situations and everything else. A lot of people say that Mary has too much drama in her life and she over reacts to everything, but very few people take time to look past that and see what a great person she is. Yea I’ll be the first to admit that Mary doesn’t handle stressful situations well and she does have her share of drama especially in the boy department. I’m sure she would say the same thing, but even with all that she’s an amazing friend. She is always there for me when I need her and I’m always there for her. She’s always there to listen, give advice, talk about boys with or help me kick someone’s ass. She’s taught me to stand up for myself more and not let others constantly tell me what to do. Since she’s taught me that, we have had our fights and not spoken to each other for several days over completely petty things, but we are still best friends. I think we always will be. We’re always stronger together and we could get through anything with the other one by our side. Plus we know too much about each other to ever not be friends. J
Rule:
9.) If you have a friend who puts up with your crap for almost 8 years and hasn’t killed you then they’re probably a GREAT friend.
10.) Even if your family or other friends think someone isn’t worth hanging out with, sometimes they are. Don’t let other people choose who you’re friends with, but at the same time make sure you choose your friends wisely and stick by your decision.
9.) If you have a friend who puts up with your crap for almost 8 years and hasn’t killed you then they’re probably a GREAT friend.
10.) Even if your family or other friends think someone isn’t worth hanging out with, sometimes they are. Don’t let other people choose who you’re friends with, but at the same time make sure you choose your friends wisely and stick by your decision.
The last thing I want to say is that Caleb, Josh and you will ALWAYS be my very best friends. I think Mary is a great friend, but tomorrow she could decide she doesn’t want to put up with me anymore. That’s why you guys will always be my best friends. I know I can tell you guys absolutely anything and you would never stop being there for me. You guys are my family and will be there for me through absolutely everything and will always love me. Plus since we’re all so close in age I feel like I can tell you guys about anything that is going on in my life and you guys would help me though it. I know I would do the same for all of you. I love you guys! So the last rule.
Golden Rule:
11.) Your siblings will ALWAYS be your very best friends and will be there for you through everything life throws at you.
11.) Your siblings will ALWAYS be your very best friends and will be there for you through everything life throws at you.
I Love You!
Love,
~Jordan Reneè
~Jordan Reneè
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